This weekend represents a bit of a milestone for me. It has been almost a year to the day since I left my consulting business as a partner and went back to the corporate world. That alone has been a whirlwind of change.
The past year has been a lot of change though. Our youngest graduated from college. Our oldest returned from Japan. TZ's parents moved from the high mountains of Park County to the desert of Arizona. My father passed. I quit a band. I joined a band. I ended my involvement with Scouts, and high school coaching. I went to China twice, Vietnam once. I took two months off running after struggling with an achy knee for 8 months. I read more books last year than I probably did in the prior three collectively. I gave up alcohol.
To an outsider, it probably looked the same - a middle aged privileged white blue eyed male doing all right. I agree. I am doing all right. A fair amount of ups and downs, but I am doing pretty damn well.
I was thinking as I was coming home from the Bay this past week that I have a place I can go where there are people who are going to be genuinely happy to see me, give me shit, spend time with me and care. That is pretty flippin' awesome
Last week was 46 miles. Probably a bit more than my knee likes and definitely makes me feel the limits of my fitness and current lifestyle. This past week was 42 miles - and even had a quality session with LF while in Burlingame (hills at Coyote Point).
The Pinebox Sleepers had a gig at Prost on Friday. Four hours of a gig. That is a lot of music. 49 songs - about 2/3rds originals. It is challenging for sure. It would be different if this was my full time thing but we only practice collectively like 3 or 4 times a month. It is a big lift - and so inevitably, I see the errors we make when playing. The audience rarely sees these - unless they are HUGE gaffs or someone is paying attention really well. But we on the stage do. And so like a race, afterwards I reflect on what could have been better or what went well.
People have told me that I am too self critical but I don't see it that way. It is definitely a both things are true - I have a blast playing this music. But I want to be better.
It has me thinking a bit as of late - the struggle is the necessary for the joy. And with that, I have wondered if the struggle is the joy itself. I am not saying that is true with actual trauma - but rather we must have some challenging force on us to grow and see the positive.
