This is my current life as a runner. I take what I can get, and I enjoy every run I go on, but I am always challenged by a reality that I never feel ‘normal’ for more than a day or two at a time. Nonetheless, I have learned how to modify my running to fit around my physical limitations, which are very different than they once were. Good read by Roes.
Grappling with the new normal is something I have been figuring out for at least 15 years. 15 years ago on Thanksgiving I won the BRR Turkey Trot 5k by running away from the field after the mile and put up a 16:14. I was happy with a Boulder win (a rare thing and one I was able to get as apparently all the local elites were sleeping in) but a bit disappointed that I did not get under 16. Less than a week later our second child and our son was born.
It is not the last time I have crossed the finish line first – in fact I enjoyed that in burro racing several times this past summer – but I have watched the slow transition and slip of times. I have joked that the effort is obviously the same but the clock just runs faster than I do these days. Some of it is age, some of it is lack of disciplined training because I have other priorities or I just don’t have the same level of focus in my training time.
There are days I am not only okay with this or content in this state – but am instead completely happy with it. I can see the span of my “career” in this hobby and smile at how amazing it has been.
The childish part of my brain takes a bit of narcissistic pride that at 46 I can run with my kids in XC practice while I see other parents of the same age or younger struggle to walk the stairs to the school. That same part of my wee bit ego driven brain takes offense when they say I am an obvious talent, as it seems they miss how such talent was acquired with a lot of time on the trails, roads, and tracks. If that is talent, it did not happen by accident.
But even beyond that childish part, I have days where I know that if I was suddenly unable to run another step for some reason, I’d be happy for all the steps I had run, the races I lined up and laid big eggs, the ones that beat me down and the ones that I found some level of personal success in. The journey to each of those has been a strong force in molding me for over 30 years.
But there are days where the decline drives me flippin’ batsh*t crazy. Today it might be such a day. Mostly because I know I am probably going to embarrass myself pretty well in the race on Saturday. A performance that would have been an easy run with the fellas a handful of years ago is now suddenly a red line effort. I can see how it came about, but it does not make it taste any better.
A funny thing is how good training and performances beget more good training and performances. And the opposite holds true … poor training and performances and often can create more of that. The muscle on the top of the neck drives all that of course, but I can see how once a slip starts, it requires almost more effort to pull out of it because of the level of choice it requires.
I realize some of this is just cuz of the rut I am in now. If I had decided to take 3 months off altogether post Leadville there would be no blah blah blahwging on and on of how I feel now. It would just be how it is smart that I am off ski-mo-ing or something like that. Instead I am sort of dicking around with psuedo exercise while a bit compromised and talking way too much about it.
I will chose to fight the 50 plus mile hour winds today, even if it kicks my ass because while the results may not be what they were from such an effort, the choice and the journey lace them up and feel the wind and the taste of pennies in my mouth is better than not trying at all.
