I am writing this one from the stationary bike. In part to kill time on it before I get to the hard stuff where time kills me.
Before I get into it today, I want to be clear that I am happy. I realize that some of these posts come across as a bit tortured, frustrated, and maybe even a bit angry. I guess there is some truth to that, but it is only a sliver of it. I see the latest relearning of these lessons as a very positive thing. I see success via failure.
And on whole, I am an incredibly lucky dude. I know there are some folks out there who say they rather die then to not be able to run another step. I absolutely love running, but if it were something I could never do again, I’d miss it – but I could be completely content and full in so many other aspects of my life. And the new ones I would explore. I feel pretty lucky in that regard.
Anyway …
After I “ran” 2:37 in 2006 on the Pikes Ascent, I convinced myself to run the marathon. I was pretty confident that with some changes to training (namely more hill training), I’d be able to run much more of the up (I walked so much in that Ascent PR!), and thus put in a 2:30. I’d then roll down to a 4:10. Maybe even a sub four.
Five marathons later and I have run a scatter between 4:30 and 4:55. The results speak for themselves. Not bad by the measure of many, but not what I thought I could do and so that expectation is part of some of the rewiring I have to consider. I wanted to put a mark on that race. And this is not unusual for runners. The clock number becomes what you are. Your place as well, but the clock number is what gets compared year over year. Effectively, your name goes into the results and it is there forever.
Of course it is NOT what you are. You are not just a name and a number in a result. There is a story behind that result. And I don’t just mean the training or the race day execution. I mean the bigger story.
After any race, when I get home, my family NEVER asks me what was my place or time. They ask, “How’d it go?” If I answered them with a time result, they would not understand. With Pikes, they’d really have no clue. I could tell them it took me 2 hours and they’d still smile. Or 9 hours. In a blissfully ignorant and loving fashion, they don’t care what the clock said. What they really want to know is “are you happy with the result?” Because if I am happy, then they are happy for me and then they too are happy. If I am pissed, well, they are sad for me. And probably sad too. And what good is that?
Slight side note-tangent … Regarding place in a race, that number sort of means even less to me. Certainly in a race, I race with consideration for place. But I recognize that is sort of a contrived measure. Supposedly I was third master last year. Of course, that was after Bernie and Matt were not considered in those rankings because they were in the top 10. I use place as a race day tool, but really if I execute as well as I can, the place will be as good as it can be. For some, the few who go for the win, this might mean different tactics. Those tactics are probably not appropriate for the lot of us in the middle of the pack.
I still feel I can PR at Pikes. Maybe not. That day might be behind me. But I am not going to give up on that as a possibility. But I am not going to make it the sole objective of success. I don’t think I ever have actually, but I want to put it in better perspective. The race is a celebration of a journey of maximizing everything I did to prepare and execute.
Maybe this approach of taking time off and then getting after it in May, June and July works. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it means pretty much no difference at all. Maybe I PR. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I get close. If I PR, everyone says, “wow, see – it could be done.” If I don’t, folks say “eh, he was a head case and injured.” Or “he was getting old and getting all out there about whether he wanted it or not.”
Or maybe I discover in two weeks the Achilles is still as jacked as it was. Or maybe I discover I am screwed with it still come August 1. And I should not race at all. But if I don’t it is not who I am. Who I am is the choices I make in managing the journey.
Here is what is really crazy: when I can see that and grasp that concept, not only am I more content with how I train, I am more effective. When I am not, grasping at expectation, I am almost like the batter in a slump who is trying desperately to get a hit. They tense up and become worse. But when he relaxes and forgets that he is in a slump, he can hit again.
One more of these tomorrow as a wrap on the series … it is time to take the next step …