… in no particular order … thoughts, principles, resolutions, considerations. It sort of started with this list I was generating, and the quiet down time made it a much longer set of musings. All this could change of course on a dime.
This was written (typed) over several sessions. It is unedited and disconnected, disjointed, and probably contradictory in several places. Whatever. It comes down to, as Dbow calls it “live epic.” I want to not just do the same stuff, but I recognize that I enjoy the same things. I want to enjoy and not worry. I want to focus on the ultimate outcomes of any one event, but not lose sight of the big picture. I want to realize that I am not the young man I was physically, but also not become complacent in that and use it as an excuse. I want to push boundaries and have people feel their boundaries pushed when with me in a positive way.
I hesitate to write this because it comes across as a bit over drama like. But the blog has helped me cycle through stuff, and I will continue to use it like that. I recognize that my life is amazingly blessed and awesome. I live a life a comfort and have means and freedom to pursue more than 99% of the people on the planet. At the point of some great and amazing thing, I often fail to recognize how wonderful I have it. But part of being human is a desire to grow and improve. I recognize that these so called resolutions are not likely to be stuck
Person - family:
… my children are now 13 and 16. In some regards, you could say they are done. In other words, their basic personality and core values are set. If I disappeared tomorrow, while it would be impactful, I have already had a my hand on a tiller a period of their life that is of greater impact than my remaining years with them. While there is some truth in that, it is also true that I am here and that I do have a significant impact on their lives. I need to support them by letting them increasingly feel the consequences of their choices (positive and negative) so that they can be adults that recognize they are in greater control of their destiny than not.
… an easy example of this: my daughter has become a night owl to the point of staying up in what I think is way too late. I think it adversely impacts her performance in the things that are important in her life, like school, arts, etc. But heck, she is 16 now. She does not need the PITA dad making her go to bed at 10. She’ll figure it out.
… I have raised my voice with my family members in the past. Particularly with my children when I feel they have exceeded some level of entitlement, combined with their age typical emotional response (and usually some statements on their part that demonize me). I get to a point where I feel my fuse is burnt, and I respond back – loudly, firmly, and then heavy with consequences that I feel are necessary to let them know my displeasure with their behavior. In other words, whatever was the initial thing we were talking about has escalated to a point that is no longer the point but instead how we are communicating becomes the point. It is true that I have expectations of them in these circumstances, and that I get frustrated with their inability in those moments to meet those – but it should not give me license to not meet expectations of myself. I should not raise my voice in those circumstances.
… my wife is a much kinder person than myself. I have said that if I was not married to her, I’d want her as a friend because I have seen the friend she is to people. She is often more concerned about the plights and victories of those people over herself. I am not certain that I can be that at the level she is. But as her husband, she counts on me to provide for her in ways that often are not as natural for me. She recently was discussing a concept of “love languages.” I really have no idea what those are but I can guess that it describes we need to feel love in particular ways: emotional support, physical connection, providing a home, etc. She asked me what my love language was and I said, “English.” Not the best answer (although she knows me well enough that she laughed). I want to be more supportive of her and her pursuits and efforts.
Person – self:
… I have learned that the outside view of me is often much different than the view I hold of myself. I hear that people see me as gruff, disciplined, often curt in my speech, and judgmental. I don’t think any of those are words that I would use to describe myself.
… I think I often speak in a way that I think is funny, or clever, or thoughtful. When I reconsider these said things after the fact, I am often not. I would benefit from being quiet more. This is so backwards to my wiring of 40 plus years, it is a challenge to even consider how I would do it.
… further explore concepts of self awareness, mindfulness of thought and action (primarily through reading, podcasts and books on “tape”).
… I want to explore how effectively I am pursuing these by reviewing this list at least monthly and explicitly stating how I am progressing (or not) against these thoughts. Or – how I need to change them. This could be monthly (minimum) or event driven (hopefully not).
Person – work:
… I will look to pursue an LA credential and/or a RAC credential in my next year of work, assuming I am in the same role. This will better help and support my team. To that point, I will continue to focus on the success of the team I am with versus prioritizing individual concerns. Where ever possible, I will maximize, focusing on what I can influence and manage and ignore office noise.
Person – heath and diet:
… abstain from alcohol as much as possible. Okay, tough one. I love me some beer but I often see myself as entitled to as much beer as I want because of my active lifestyle. That is simply not a healthy mindset. It would be analogous to me enjoying a whole half gallon of ice cream multiple times a week rather than a bowl once in a while. Adults would look at that and say, “uh, probably not a good idea dude.” But because it is beer and it is fun, we tend to look at it and say, “right on man!” Really, I need to be less indulgent with it and keep it as a treat rather than an entitlement. Which means for me probably swinging it more to abstention than moderation.
… floss more
… average 300 push ups a week for the year.
… I’d hate to have an open ended objective of “getting to the gym” more because it is so un”SMART” and whenever I have that sort of thing, it goes nowhere.
-- I really don’t need “seconds” (or “thirds”) as many times as I eat them. Such ventures are for the pleasure of the mouth, and less for fueling. I got away with it in my 30s, but with the slowing metabolism of the 40s, it sets me up for carrying pounds that I don’t want for optimal performance.
Running:
… I feel compelled to race again, but not to race. There is no single race that jumps out at me that is “hey, you got to do that” but rather a bunch of things that I want to race. I want to race the mile hard again and see if I can crack five. I want to see if I can PR as a master in the 5k. I want to do a 100 miler again. I want to go back to Pikes. But if I did none of those and just ran a lot, and ran some local trail that I timed myself against every week or every other Tuesday to see how it was going, I think I would find that equally as satisfying.
… I want to run, but I don’t want to train. There is a distinction in my mind between training and exercise. Training is with a specific goal in mind, and usually that goal being to perform some best on race day. Exercise can look like training, but it is without the structure of training. Given the schedule I face in 2014, the lack of specific goals, the flexibility I want to have across road, track and trail, I see it more as year of exercise and less of a year of training.
… so in light of that, I do see some commitment to doing some track miles, some road 5ks, Pikes (maybe the double) and an ultra in 2014. Of course, there will be at least the Fairplay pack burro race. With the mile, sub 5 would be the goal. If I did a 100, the objective would be to either do one that was way nuttier than the Boulder 100, or if the Boulder 100, to beat my time from 2011 (just under 22 hours in an epic meltdown).
… with 3500 miles in 2013, close to 3400 in 2012, 3600 plus in 2011, and 4100 in 2010, I am not lacking a base. In fact, that might be more of a problem. I need to focus on speed and fast running regularly. I tend to enjoy the routine of getting out for my hour to 90 minutes a day, which lends nicely to 10 miles a day. That is fine, but I need to chose more often to get to the track and chase hard stuff. I actually see it as something I can embody as fun and focus more than the getting out.
… that said, I benefit from the miles. I tend to pack on weight quite easy, and particularly in the upper legs. Getting out for the longer run (again skipping the 10 for the 20) is another thing I need to pursue more often.
Adventures:
… this ties a bit to my running considerations. I want to have more adventures. Here are some:
-- A backpacking trip with my son in the Colorado Rockies on the Colorado Trail with his Scout troop (this actually drives another adventure of me scoping out the section we are considering (Kenosha to Breck) on a run. This drives a lot of other prep activities.
-- sleep in a snow cave (another Scout related exercise)
-- Run from Fairplay to Leadville and back
-- get introduced to yoga with my wife
These are a bit less likely to happen because the logistics seem weak at the moment:
-- another trip to the Grand Canyon to include an R2R2R. I’d probably do this more as a long day taking pix, and working up the Bright Angel trail rather than sticking the Kaibab if I did it.
-- when in Hawaii, that round trip on the Kalalau Trail.
-- backpack with my daughter and her friends for a week (dependent on her pulling together some initiative on this)
-- partly because Brownie has nudged me towards it, see if I can get 100 Boulder peaks in the year (Green, Bear SoBo)
-- run the Boreas Pass road
Other stuff.
-- support my daughter in her attainment of a driver’s license. This is an adventure unto itself.
-- extend into the next step of the college search and supporting activities with my daughter.
-- brew beer, but more as a way to share with people (both the brewing and the beer part)
-- consider how to extend my psuedo new hobby of photography.
--- make our Hawaii trip with our kids and their grandparents as magical as it can be – this might be the last time I have all these people in this place like this.
-- do something with that dang guitar.
-- continue to manage the family finances with my wife so that we focus on living within our means, eliminating debt, growing our portfolio, contributing to charitable causes we support with an eye on the future for us and our family.
-- go on another hunting trip
-- continue to support the community of Scouting
-- continue to support the running community – by volunteering at least one event in assistance. I am also exploring how I can coach without coaching (if that makes sense).
-- my term with BOSTAC will come to an end in March. I have no intention of reapplying. I feel that it is good to let these sort of things roll through other citizens so that new perspectives can be brought to the committee. There are definitely a small number of players that will be there for a long time to provide historical perspective. It has been greatly educational for me, but I will look to shift my Broomfield open space and trails efforts to be managed through a different medium. That might be just attending OSTAC meetings as a citizen (not a committee member) or attending Foundation meetings separately.
-- we have had the ABC now for a few years, probably half a decade. It has stood up well for not being regularly used and in the high country of Park County. But it needs some maintenance beyond just chainsaw camp. I need to dedicate some time to that.
