A couple of years ago my son chose to move into a higher bracket of competitive baseball. He had played recreational baseball for a bit, but after discussing it with him, he thought he wanted to dig into it a bit more. He had enjoyed rec, but he really liked baseball and wanted to try a tougher go at it. We supported that and he joined one of the local competitive clubs (there are at least a couple in our town).
From the get go there was very clear message in this league to the kids and their parents that you had to be very committed to get success. That meant a lot of practice time. And often not just with the team, but then getting an extra coach to work up and correct weaknesses in your “five tools.”
Frankly, he struggled a bit. He was not that strong of a hitter, and despite working on it and improving some, he did not get a lot of playing time. To get playing time, his team was pretty focused on the hitting element of it. (side note, he did get a bit of a lesson in politics as well as he would get irked at seeing some kids go 0-5 in the box and he’d draw a walk in his one at bat but still did not get the time he thought he should have … yeah, I know I might come across as “that parent” with that, but it was the stats he noticed).
Overall, the whole experience did not ring particularly well with him. Certainly it was not a horrible experience and I think he learned a lot, even if some of that had a bitter taste to it. The big thing though was that he found himself challenged more in determining where and how to spend his time. After a season, he stated “I want to do everything.” Meaning he did not want to just commit to baseball solely, and that he wanted to stay involved in a variety of other activities. He moved back into the rec league where the commitment was significantly lower, and hence he’d be able to be “spread his wealth” a bit more.
As a parent, I supported him and agreed with him on his choice Why did a 10 year old need to be in the batting cage 3 nights a week? “He’s a kid. I don’t want to have him burn out. If he had the passion for baseball like that, I’d support it.” Of course, when I bring this topic up with other parents, we reinforce each other - “it is crazy how we over commit kids into something like that,” we say. “Let them be a kid!”
I can certainly talk myself into that thought process, but I also feel the deep tug of meritocracy that I have wrapped my head around for most of my adult life. By committing to something, and being a specialist, there is a pursuit of excellence that is not likely to be found when being a generalist.
So I find myself asking the question, should I encourage our children to pursue excellence in fewer things, or to encourage them to accomplish as much as they can in as many different things as they can tolerate? And at what point does either path mean “over subscription” and burnout?
Of course neither path guarantees success. You can put in Gladwell’s 10000 hours and still never make it to the big show. And now you are a specialist in something you might actually not be good enough at.
Our kids are more generalists. I remember when KZ tried paragliding off the back of a boat when she was 7 or so. She giggled so much and then came back into the boat and exclaimed: “Mom, I want to do everything in the world!” And she seems to continue to life approach, even shocking me by taking up XC last year after long stating running was something you did when you were chasing something or being chased.
But even within a generalist approach I wonder if they might have too much. School, soccer, voice, scouts, trumpet, piano, baseball, etc. Each one of their activities nudges the kid to teeter over to that next level of commitment and so they are juggling a lot of balls. We discuss it a good amount with them, and I guess that might be a silver lining to all of it. They have some awareness of their choices and the possible consequences.
Or at least I like to think so. We are still working through it all.
